BEFORE YOU GET A DIVORCE

BEFORE YOU GET A DIVORCE...

by: Ivie Powell

Every working day throughout this country "Divorce Granted" is heard in court rooms. There is no doubt that divorce is one of the greatest sins of the human race. It’s effects are far, far reaching in this life and into eternity. We live in a time in which quick, easy unscriptural divorces and remarriages are occurring at an alarming rate not only in society but among members of the Lord’s church as well.

Brethren, let it never be forgotten that God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16)! While He tolerated divorce for a while under the law of Moses, He now (Christian Age) commands all (Christian and non-Christian) to marry for life, that only death and fornication can sever that relationship (Matt. 19:9, Rom. 7:2). Bear in mind nothing man can say or do will alter God’s word. "For ever, O Lord, thy word is settled in heaven" (Psa. 119:89). While many have rejected God’s word on this and other subjects that same word will judge them at the day of judgment (John 12:48)!

Today, pulpits have become, to a great degree, indifferent, neglectful, and silent on the subject of marriage, divorce and remarriage. This has resulted in congregations being filled with adulterers and adulteresses. At the day of judgment "the blood" of these brethren will cry out against those who have refused to teach the truth (Acts 20:26-27)!

The statement from the servant of old needs to be carefully noted. "O that there were such an heart in them, that they would fear me, and keep all my commandments always, that it might be well with them, and with their children for ever" (Deut. 5:29). When people turn from God and His word they will harden their hearts. "Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living God. But exhort one another daily, while it is called Today; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin" (Heb. 3:12). Beloved, if you hardened you heart against the truth on this subject, what makes you think you won’t harden it against other subjects?

If you are thinking about getting an unscriptural divorce, or if you are thinking about entering into an unscriptural marriage, please carefully and prayerfully consider the following:

You are willfully violating the teaching of our Lord in Matthew 19:9!
Have you asked your children if they want you to get a divorce?
Consider the effects on your in-laws, other relatives and friends!
Have you considered the devastating effects divorce will create for your children?
Remember the vows you made before God and man!
Think about the pain, grief, shame and sin you are about to commit!
You are about to inflict a wound, "a hole in the heart" of your children that will never heal!
Think about how this will affect the church!
Consider how this will affect non-Christians!
Consider the third party you are about to marry dragging them into an adulterous relationship!
If your divorce is not for "fornication" then you can never remarry as long as your mate lives!
You are setting an example for your children to follow after they are married!
This could cause you to lose your immortal soul in hell!
Fellowship will be withdrawn from you by God and the local church!
After considering all the facts, ask yourself, "Is it really worth it?"

Dr. Bill Flatt is a gospel preacher as well as a licensed Counseling Psychologist, and Professor of Counseling at Harding Graduate School of Religion in Memphis, Tennessee. He is also in private practice as a counseling psychologist and marriage and family therapist on a part-time basis. In his book, Personal Counseling, brother Flatt states, "Most divorced spouses with whom I have counseled have told me that they wish they had tried harder to preserve their marriage, feeling they moved too fast to get their divorce" (p.221). He goes on to say, "Since there are many contributing factors to divorce and many painful consequences, what can be done to stop divorce? The following are suggestions designed to help:

Look for solutions, not just problems; look for strengths, not just weaknesses; look for possibilities, not just impossibilities.
Be loyal to your mate; be faithful.
Take all of the Bible seriously, not just the sections on divorce and remarriage.
Love your mate.
Encourage one another.
Realize that divorce will not solve all of your problems: personality disorders, a bad temper, moodiness, low self-esteem, depression, alack of interpersonal skills and other problems.
Try to become a better marital partner yourself. Be more responsive, cooperative, committed, loving, submissive, sharing, complimentary, and fun to be with. It will be harder for your mate to leave in such cases.
Consider the pain that is caused by divorce: to the spouse, the children, and others.
Then work hard to keep the marriage together.
Accept what the Bible says about divorce and remarriage.

Dr. Flatt concludes, "There are many causes and consequences of divorce. Divorce is painful. It is wrong. It can be stopped. The key is submission to the reign of God and to the lordship of Jesus Christ in every aspect of our lives - the husband and the wife - each equally concerned. Preventing divorce will not be easy at times even then, but it will be possible and very rewarding" (Pages 221-225).

Yes, before you get a divorce, study, pray and meet with your elders and/or the preacher. They love you and are vitally interested in you and your family. Remember, divorce is not the answer!